Reflections of Atonement

Beloved Friends and Family,

Those of you that are close to me know that over the last two years, I have experienced a rapid period of growth. Growth that has been exhilarating, exhausting, joyous, and more fulfilling than I could have ever dreamed to be possible. Growth that has enabled me to see new perspectives, and experience the wondrous gift of self-expansion.

On Yom Kippur, we ask God to forgive us for the sins we have committed in the past year.  Forgiveness is granted, and we are given a fresh start in the eyes of the Almighty. Yet, God cannot grant forgiveness for wrongdoings committed against other people, so it is customary, at this time of year to reach out to family and friends and ask for forgiveness.

I have performed this task year after year, as a drama enacted for requirement rather than reflection. I elected to send texts of apology, prioritizing convenience over connection. It was an effort to shield myself from guilt, and in doing so, I unknowingly shielded myself from the experience of intentional action.

This year, I choose to approach Yom Kippur with meaning, value, and thoughtfulness.  I choose to share an authentic, clear reflection with you, my beloved family and friends, as we embark on this New Year together.

What a blessed opportunity it is to share space, words, and laughter with each of you. Thank you for helping me to find my roots, when I have lost sight of my bearings. Thank you for never letting me give up on myself, ever. Even when I most wanted to, even when I was convinced that I was broken. Thank you for reminding me that I always have the choice to stand up after I have fallen. You have uplifted, guided, and supported me when I lost trust in my own ability to support myself. Thank you for your tears, your words, your wisdom, your laughter, your smile, and most of all your authenticity. I am so grateful.

This Yom Kippur, as I reflect on my mistakes through a broader lense, I can see how the importance of the ways that each taught me is greater than the ways that each hurt me. I choose to drop the story of shame and guilt that I told with each mistake and instead see how it was a disguised opportunity for learning.

Forgiveness is only a means to cover what remains unresolved. So this Yom Kippur, I ask for conversations rather than forgiveness. I wish to unearth rather than cover. If my words or actions have hurt you, I ask that you come to me. I will meet you with open arms, love, and gratitude.

Healing happens when emotional ties are dissolved. In this New Year, let us let go of the things that no longer serve us, by understanding and working through exactly what they are.

Growth is the reward, in the same way, that love is the answer.

And, as our Yom Kippur reflections come to a close, and we have thought deeply about our relationships, let us not forget to also reflect on our own image of self. Let us pull away from patterns of self-judgement, and develop patterns of self-praise.  In this New Year, let us look at ourselves through a lens of acceptance and love of what we have been through, what we have overcome, and how it has all led to this precise blessed moment that we get to experience.

L’Shanah Tovah,

Rebecca